My Son

When I look at my son:
I see myself, in his rambling stories with 15 minutes of backstory, told at a volume that's just a tad too loud. 
I see my husband, in his sense of sticking up for people and doing the right thing even if it hurts.
I see both of us in the flash of restrained anger in his eyes when we really crack down on him.
I see the baby he was, all pudge and roundness. 
I see the toddler that spoke his own language that only we knew.
I see the sensitive heart that I fear will be broken by some girl soon.
I see the older brother who offered his sister some of his Blizzard last night when he realized that her ice cream was alot smaller than his.
I see the amazing athlete waiting to fully emerge from his quickly growing frame.
I see the inquisitive, and slightly obsessive, mind that can focus like a laser on his favorite topics.
I see equal parts mad scientist and artist.
I see his faith and pray that it never waivers.
I see a bad liar which makes me thankful.
I see my first born child and hope that I haven't messed him up too bad while I was learning to be a parent.
I see my child that I wish I could wrap in my arms and cuddle again without grossing him out.
I see a person that is growing so fast, physcially, mentally & emotionally, that I don't know if I even really know him anymore.
I see the man he might become and it makes me proud, hopeful and thankful, all at the same time.

Mix-tape for my kids

Sometimes I wish it was like the 80s again and when we wanted to say how we felt for someone, we would make a mix-tape of songs to express ourselves.   We put alot of time and thought into making sure those songs said what we couldn't, or wouldn't, say ourselves.  I remember sitting with my handheld tape player, recording songs from the radio or another tape player...if you were getting songs from the radio you have to be quick on the 'stop' button so you didn't get the dj or the next song. 

There are alot of things I would like to say to my kids but it seems like life takes my voice sometimes.  Either I'm getting after them for their horribly messy bathroom or because they didn't do their homework or because they are eating a piece of cake for a snack.  Or, like right now, I just can't bring myself to go there...for a vareity of reasons.  So...here's my mix-tape to my kids.  There's something in each of these songs that I want to pass on to my kids...sometimes it's something obvious and sometimes it's just a feeling I have when I listen to these songs. 

Jack Johnson - Go On
Jack Johnson - Better Together
Jack Johnson - If I Could
Gary Allen - Life Aint Always Beautiful
Jennifer Knapp - Martyrs & Thieves
Jennifer Knapp - Lay It Down
Kutless - Strong Tower
Monk & Neagle - The Twenty First Time
Natalie Merchant - Wonder
Nickel Creek - The Hand Song
Nickel Creek - When You Come Back Down
Phil Wickham - Divine Romance
Sheryl Crow - Lullaby For Wyatt
Tenth Avenue North - Love Is Here
Tenth Avenue North - Hold My Heart
Addison Road - All That Matters
JJ Heller - When I'm With You
JJ Heller - What Love Really Means
JJ Heller - Boat Song
JJ Heller - Back Home
JJ Heller - Keep You Safe
JJ Heller - Lullaby
Jars of Clay - The Valley Song
Jars of Clay - Two Hands
Jars of Clay - Something Beautiful

This list could be revised and added to daily...music is such a big part of my life and an emotional outlet for me.  It communicates to me and for me and someday I want my kids to hear all the things that these songs represent spoken from my mouth.