It's like the Great Race except I don't get anywhere

From the beginning of the school year to Thanksgiving break I put over 6,000 miles on my car.  Yup...twice what my little oil change sticker says I should have.  And it's not even from driving on a long trip or commuting to my job.  It's because of the children.  I blame them.

Between school schedules, soccer practices, soccer games all over the valley and now wrestling, we've racked up the miles like we're road testers for Chevrolet.

Part of it's because the oldest is a high schooler now....the amount of miles I drive in a day have gone through the roof!  We live 12 miles from the high school and I make the drive twice a day.  In theory.  

What usually happens is something like today:

7:00 am: Take oldest to school in the morning:  24 miles round trip

8:10 am: Take girls to elementary school:  12 miles r.t.

1:00 pm:  Drive to Salem to pick up clothes that oldest needs but I just found out about:  50 miles r.t.

5:00 pm:  Drive back to high school to take oldest the newly purchased clothes and dinner:  24 miles r.t.

6:30 pm:  Take girls to Christmas Program at elementary school:  6 miles

6:40 pm:  Drive back to high school from elementary school to watch oldest FFA ceremony:  6 miles

7:20 pm:  Back to the elementary school for the end of the Christmas Program & pick up girls:  6 miles

8:00 pm:  Back again to the high school to pick up oldest after ceremony ends:  6 miles

8:30 pm:  Make the final drive home, thank you baby Jesus, with all 3 kids:  12 miles.  

Almost 150 miles.  Just today.  I always think that if I'm driving that many miles I should be somewhere much more interesting.  But no...it's like the Great Race except I don't get anywhere.

Loving Your Kid, What a Pain...

There are things that I'm coming to realize for myself finally, even though other people have been saying them to me ever since I've had kids.

Like the fact that time moves really fast.  Case in point:  I used to hate it when other moms would come up to me as I'm wrangling my preschooler, toddler and infant and say "Enjoy it now, they'll be grown up before you know it".  Really???  Who says that to the mom who hasn't slept in days and is wearing a sweatshirt that looks like abstract art but in all the colors of spit up?  Who's body is contorted into a S shape from a baby on one hip and a 300 pound diaper bag dragging down the opposite shoulder?   I always wanted to punch them right in the throat.

But now I get it.  My kids are older now and I feel like I lost the last 5 years.  My son went from 10 to 15 in the blink of an eye and I can't get that time back again.  My girls are 12 & 11 and I miss when I got to dress them and it just took a silly face to make them laugh.  Now when I make a goofy face at them they just look at me and say "Mom, stop.  Just stop."  And I see the moms with little ones and I want to say to them "Enjoy it!  Love it!  Soak it all in!"  But I'm afraid to get punched in the throat.  I hear it hurts like hell.

Another thing I've come to know is that you really can love someone so much it hurts.  I know that most of the time you hear that phrase associated with a spouse or a lover and I get that.  I've experienced that with my husband. We are still so in love that we don't know any boundaries between ourselves.  There's a line from Wuthering Heights that describes it:  "He is more myself than I am.  Whatever souls are made of, ours are the same."  That's a pretty apt description of how I feel about him.  But it's different when it's your kid...  

When it's your child, it's more of a one sided, protective love that I can't even seem to find the right words for.  It makes you want to hide them away from the world and all the kids of all the assholes you knew when you were that age.  What? Why can't we just homeschool for the rest of our lives and then build 3 more houses on the property for when they grow up?  It'll be fun.  Like a commune.  We could even think up a name for ourselves and get tax-exempt status.  Yea, love for your kids will turn you into a whack job.

Here's an example of what I'm talking about:  yesterday was my son's first high school wrestling tournament.  And he's like me...he can't get out of his head when he needs to and then psyches himself out.  So I prayed that morning for several things, including his tournament.  Because I knew if he just got a good one under his belt, it would change his entire mindset.  And I prayed throughout the day about it.  And then we got to the meet and I sat in the stands and looked up at the ceiling of the gym and prayed some more.  I just wanted so badly for him to succeed, to have a good match, to be able to realize how great he is.  I wanted him to be victorious and tough and a key member of the team but most of all, I wanted him to just be able to have confidence in himself and his abilities.  I wanted it so badly that it hurt down in my chest.  I was a physical ache in my heart.

When he got pinned in his first match I felt that pain sharpen.  All I could think was 'please, please, please God...forget all the other things I've prayed about today and just focus on him.  please, please, please...."  He sat across the gym between his matches with his hat slung low and his shoulders lower.  I knew he was beating himself up and it killed me.  Please, please, please....

I could tell when I saw him step on the mat for his second match that something was different.  He had something to prove now and he worked this poor kid over before pinning him at the end of the first round.  I could barely contain myself!  Thank you, thank you, thank you...  I was so happy for him!  My heart felt full to bursting now.  That's what he needed!

And then the third match came and with it my nerves again.  This time the kid he was wrestling looked tough.  He looked like a wrestler.  That may not make sense to someone who hasn't spent time around the sport but you can totally tell which kids have experience just by the way they carry themselves.  You just know by looking at them.  And although he held his own, he got stretched into a pin in the second round.  Damn, damn, damn....  And there's the ache again.

It hurts because I can't help him.  I have to let him struggle and sometimes fail.  It hurts because I remember what high school was like and all the things that I don't want him to have to go through, even though I know that's a futile thought.  I want him to be the things I never was:  popular, above average athletically, confident and self-assured.  Not because I want to relive those days through him; no way would I want go back to high school, even vicariously.  Not for anything.  But because I know it would make his high school experience so much better, so much easier.  But I know we each have to go through it...it helps make us the people we are now.  I know that he has to grow into the man he will be and that all of these things are shaping him.  These are things that I know in my head but not in my heart.

So yeah...you can love so much that you physically hurt.  And it goes both ways:  you can ache to protect them and you ache with the blessing of them.  Later that night when he was going to bed, I asked him if he saw the hand signal I was giving him between matches.  He said, 'Yea, you were tapping your heart'.  "No, " I said, "not just tapping my heart, I was holding my hand in a C and putting it over my heart.  Because you have a champion's heart and that's what you'll always be to me."  His smile and "Thanks Mom" gave me that ache in my chest all over again.

Our Homemade Advent Calendar

I channeled my inner Martha Stewart the other day and came up with my own homemade advent calendar for our family.  It was pretty awesome...just sayin'.

First, I made 24 advent envelopes.  This was super easy since I found a website that has free printable wrapping paper: http://gift-wrapit.com.  They have 12 patterns for Christmas which is perfect because I just printed 2 copies of each.  

And my envelopes are about as simple as you can get: 

Fold the paper so the seam is in the back and tape.

Fold up the bottom edge and tape.

Easy peasy lemon squeezy

So...I whipped up 24 of these and then added numbers on the front made from left over christmas cards.    I was out of card stock but this worked just as well.  

Now the question was how and where to hang them since there's not a ton of open wall space in our house.  But I found the perfect place...the hall closet!  It's just a big white canvas so what better place to put them.  I rummaged around in my sewing/craft drawers and found some green ribbon.  Perfect!

I measured the envelopes against the door and figured that I could fit 4 in each row.  So I cut 6 lengths of green ribbon and used sealing tape to secure it to the inside of the door.  Then I used clothes pins to hold the envelopes in place...viola!  Country Christmas Chic.  (I think).

The harder part of the whole thing was trying to figure out what to fill them with.  I didn't want to spent a lot of money on things and I didn't really want to give the kids more 'stuff' to clutter up the house.  So...here's what I came up with:

1.  a few pieces of candy

2.  Christmas magnets

3.  candy

4.  Bookmarks  (homemade)

5.  candy

6.  Date Day/Christmas Shopping Trip Coupons (homemade)

7.  candy

8.  Lip balms

9.  candy

10.  Dairy Queen Coupons (homemade)

11.  candy

12.  Scrapbooking Stickers (girls) and Fishing Lure (boy)

13.  candy

14.  Do Not Disturb Doorhangers (homemade)

15.  candy

16.  Bracelets (girls) and Fishing Lure (boy)

17.  candy

18.  Movie passes to Northern Lights Pub (already had these on hand)

19.  candy

20.  Family Game Night (homemade)

21.  candy

22.  Silly Puddy (who doesn't like that?!?!)

23.  candy

24.  Polar Express Movie Night (homemade)

So...you can see that I went the easy route and put a few pieces of candy or a candy cane in every other day.  I just couldn't buy/make enough things to fill out all 24 days.  I bought a few things (lip balm, lures, silly puddy) but most of the other items I made on my computer.  The bookmarks were made in Word and printed on high gloss brochure paper that I already had on hand.  I personalized them for each kid and they loved 'em!  

The Date Day coupons, DQ coupons and doorhangers were all made in Word from existing templates that I just personalized to each kid and printed on that same brochure paper.   The kids love to go to DQ but I never let them order anything they want...usually they have a few options and the sizes are all smalls.  This coupon lets them order something of their choice although Mom gets to OK the size.  

The movie passes were things we already had on hand.  We won them last March at the kids' school fundraising auction and hadn't used them yet.  Since they expire this month it was a perfect item to add to the envelopes.  The other two homemade items were the Family Game Night announcement and the Polar Express Movie Night.  

The Family Game night is a big thing because although we like the idea of boardgames, the reality is that they are never as fun as you think they are going to be.  I desperately want to be that family that sits around the table and enjoys that quality time together.  And sometimes we get it.  But more often than not, it degenerates into an evening of grumpy kids or fights.  It's not pretty but it's the truth.   So, I'm going to make this particular game night work even if it kills me....or them.  We will have a good night, dammit.  

The final envelope is the The Polar Express Movie Night which is our Christmas Eve tradition.  We let the kids open one present on Christmas Eve and it's always new PJs.  Then we all put on the new PJs, pop some popcorn and make hot cocoa and watch The Polar Express.  That makes a perfect 24th envelope!

It has been an almighty win in every way!  Didn't cost much, made it in a short amount of time and my family absolutely loves it!  And it has been a great addition to our Christmas traditions.  Way to go me!

I just need a F%#@*!& battery!

The other day my husband and I were discussing the issues of gender equality and the social ramifications of the war of the sexes.  OK, not really but he was listening to me complain about how I hate being treated like an idiot because I have boobs.

Case in point:  one evening while at soccer practice my son ran the battery down on our car while listening to his iPod and being a moody teenager.  That, my friends, is a whole other post and I'm sure I'll get there later.  Anyway...the car was dead.  And I was not pleased.

After returning to the group of dads that I had been chatting with prior to finding out my car was flatlined, I finally got one of them to pull their vehicle over to my car.  I had already fished the jumper cables out of the car top carrier and all I needed was a willing battery that I could take advantage of in a completely shallow and meaningless way.  But it was not going to be that simple.  He needed to read the manual to make sure we didn't blow the battery up so he stopped about 7 feet away from the front of my car.  There I stood with my 5 foot long jumper cables...so close and yet so far.

Mind you, this whole time I'm simmering with annoyance at my son since I had specifically said "Don't run my battery down listening to your music".  I kid you not...I said those exact words and yet here I was, standing in front of the car wishing I had longer cables.  And, I had 2 tired, stinky, hungry girls in the car and no supper waiting for us after our 20 minute drive out of town.  I just needed to get home.

While I was waiting for guy #1 to read his manual and trying to contain my growing frustration (he is a very nice man, after all), another dad saw the open hood of my vehicle and decided to stop to lend a hand.  A nice gesture except that I already had it under control, not to mention the other guy that was lending me his battery.  And this particular person completely ignored me when I said as much.   Guy #2 began a conversation with Guy #1 about what needed to be done.  Helllloooo....standing here with the jumper cables in my hands and the hood up.  I just need to use a f-----g battery and I can be on my way!

Guy #1 finally moved his car forward and I handed him the cables to hook to his battery.  I hooked the first clamp to the lower part of the metal nub on my battery and heard the concern of Guy #2, who was hovering over my shoulder, that it probably wasn't the correct spot.  He thought I should hook it to the top of the nub.  Never mind the fact that I have done this several times and know from experience that the claws slip off of the sloped upper part of the nub.  But, hey, I don't have a penis so how can I know such things?  To show him my reasoning, I attached the claw to the top of the nub and, sure 'nuf, off it slipped with a snap.  "Oh", was all I got in return.

Finally I was able to attached the cables and start the car.  But not without a reminder to turn off the extra things like the radio and the lights.  Gee, thanks guys.  I don't know what I'd do without you.  Except maybe be home by now!

The biggest frustration of the whole thing was the fact that I didn't need them to do this for me.  I didn't need them in the way.  I just needed a battery and a set of jumper cables...that's it.  No side of condescension, no discussion, no manuals, no 'here let me do that for you'.  Just let me use your battery and we can go home.  And yet it took almost 20 minutes to get my car running because they couldn't just let me do what needed to be done.

And that is what really annoys me about being 'treated like a girl' sometimes.  Just let me do what I know needs to be done and if I need help, I'll ask for it.  Pretty freakin' simple.  Don't assume that I can't do something without giving me proper time to prove it myself.  Believe me, if I can't do it, I'll either ask for help or make a fool out of myself....then feel free to jump in.  Until then, get out of my way and let me use your battery.